hold on to the rail………

So a couple blogs ago I discussed blowing up my thumb with a sparkler on the 4th of July. While I realize that wasn’t my finest hour it got me thinking about some of the other really stupid things I’ve done in my life. I’ve wanted to share with you some deeply personal story of humiliation. I have plenty of good ones. I’ve:

• Broke up with someone over a haircut.
• Accidentally started talking back to someone delivering room service in the accent they were using.
• Insulted a musician’s girlfriend in hearing distance of him.
• Wrote horrible horrible songs for girls. (I thought they were pretty songs at the time).

But of these and so many others there could only be one story.

*Sigh*

It was fall of ‘97. I was a freshman at Vol State in Gallatin. It was lunchtime and I was in the “C” building. This building had the cafeteria, bookstore, etc. on the ground floor, with classrooms upstairs and in the basement. So I’m heading down the stairs from the top floor. There’s no one around anywhere. I decide to be cute and slide down the banister. Now I’m not talking about straddling and sliding backwards. I mean you hop up and sit on it and balance on the way down. No problem??………Oh how wrong.

As I’m heading down, the door at the bottom starts to open. I can see someone starting to come into the stairwell. I have a split second here. They haven’t seen me. Should I try and stop? Keep going?

Well…I cringe thinking about it…I set my foot down on the step hard. Now think about that. I’m heading down this rail with no control over the speed, and my plan was to put my foot down???? So of course I launch myself into the air! I wasn’t even halfway down when I did this! I’m probably dead!

Not so fast, it gets better. Coming through the door was one gorgeous….let me say again….GORGEOUS….girl. She no more than gets her body in the door that I slam into her full force. She had on a thick backpack that cushioned my fall. Of course it totally crushed her up against the wall. Wall, girl, backpack, me,……..and somewhere way back was my dignity.

BECAUSE other people started coming into the stairwell, too, so I did the worst thing ever: I fell to the floor pretending that I had fallen down the stairs and been hurt. The way it looked to everyone, even that supermodel I crushed, was that I had tripped down the stairs and was lucky to not have broken my neck.

The sad thing is, people were all over me trying to help me up and see if I was okay. I just quietly nodded and got outta there. Shameful.

So even 12 years later I have yet to top this horror………but I really wish I had gotten that girls number…….

Pick a place to live and never leave……..

Holy lord it’s been too long since my last blog! There has been so much going on, what with me moving and all.

What’s that, you say? Moving? Well yes, actually. I am outta the house I shared with Tim and Spence for the past 4 years and am in a very nice apartment on the other side of town. As much as I miss the boys I did get out of there with one small consolation prize:

Kitty doesn’t really sleep. He waits.

And he is the loudest roommate ever. And he never cleans up after himself. But I digress, the real trouble with moving out is the fact that I had no furniture. Zip, nada. I’m even sleeping with my mattress on the floor at this time. Something had to be done. So, many hundreds of dollars later I have a new couch, coffee table, and KING size bed frame (no mattress yet. They expensive.).

Also, I’m currently blogging on my brand spanking new computer! God bless you employee discount and tax free weekend! That’s right, complete with 2 awesome Bose (TM) acoustic speakers. It now sounds like 311 is playing in my bedroom (glad they haven’t asked why my mattress is on the floor).

I got a couple blogs coming up. Including my most embarrassing moment, a top ten, and yet another top ten. Stay tuned.